“JetEye,” a new missile defense system designed for passenger planes to defend against shoulder-fired heat seeking missiles, has endured its first test here in the States.
The defense system was manufactured by global defense and aerospace company BAE and tested on a passenger plane owned by American Airlines. Apparently, the test was a huge success, though I’m not sure what they were expecting.
I should first mention that the JetEye, as a concept, is a pretty neat little apparatus.
It attaches to the belly of a plane and, according to the official “Jet Eye” brochure, “protects aircraft from infrared (’heat-seeking’) missiles using an integrated suite of sensors and lasers. The sensors detect any missile that is launched at the aircraft and the laser is fired at the missile to disrupt its trajectory and cause it to fly harmlessly away from the aircraft.”
Pretty cool, huh?
According to a very excitable statement from BAE, a plane fitted with the Jet Eye flew from New York’s John F. Kennedy International to Los Angeles without incident, but to me, “without incident” only means two
things in this scenario.
One, every single missile fired at that airplane missed.
Two, nobody shot any missiles at the plane period.
I’m leaning towards number two. I don’t want to downplay the importance of a defense system as potentially lifesaving as the JetEye can be, but if it needs to be tested, why is it being tested here?
Shouldn’t it be tested in a more hostile environment? Like the Middle East?
I’m no expert, but for a missile defense system to actually work there has to be a missile involved, and unless there were researchers from BAE hiding in a cornfield outside of Topeka with a shoulder mounted rocket (preferably a dummy rocket) to shoot at the plane, how successful could the test have been?
And if you’re wondering who ordered these tests in the first place, then look to the government.
Congress has been pushing the Department of Homeland Security to adapt this technology since 2003, and this recent test is the coup de grace of a $29 million contract with BAE.
But of course, the DHS told the media in January, right after the contract was finalized, that there was no specific threat of shoulder mounted rockets being fired at passenger planes.
I guess theoretical missiles are just as dangerous as real ones.

My husband bought an exercise machine to help him lose weight.
He set it up in the basement but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom.
It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room.
Weeks later I asked how it was going.
I was right,” he said. “I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine.”

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied. “In-laws.”

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”

-Buy a really tall hat (preferably a turban, etc.). Sit in the front row. If someone asks you to take it off, tell them it’s against your religion:
-Throw popcorn up in the air and yell “It’s SNOWING!!”:
-Clap when something bad happens to the main character, boo when something good happens.:
-During a really sad scene, start cracking up. During a happy/funny scene start yelling or crying.:
-Start coughing very loudly/choking. Point to/ask for the person-next-to-you’s drink. If they offer it to you, drink the rest, including ice cubes. If they refuse to give it to you, stand up and yell “Fine! Let me die!”:
-Bring your TV’s remote control and attempt to pause, fast-forward, and rewind the movie. During the climax or a really sad/serious scene, crack and start screaming that the damn thing is broken.:
-During a scary movie yell at the screen things such as, “No, don’t trust him!”, “Watch out!”, and “No, DON’T GO IN THE CLOSET!!!!!!”:
-Preferably during the beginning of the opening stuff start screaming “No, not the voices! Anything but the voices”. Also works when you’re in a crowd, “An (earthquake, flood, fire) We’re all going to DIE!!!!!”
-When the last people are entering the theater, stand up and start waving and yelling for them to join you. (They can be strangers or you can get a whole bunch of friends to come in late).
-Wear a cape and when the lights dim and a logo comes on the sreen, stand up and yell, “The Bat Signal.”
-Talk and laugh hysterically with your friends. When at least 10 people have shushed you, stand up and yell “Would you people SHUT UP! I’m trying to watch the movie!!”

9. Bugs go well with a nice Shiraz or marinated in a vintage tequila. It may not fix the blasted computer, but after a few bottles, they’ll certainly not be bothering you anymore!
8. If you receive a kernel.dll error, place affected kernel in corn oil and cook until all popping sounds have stopped.
7. Toss chips with spaghetti-wires, saute until logic fails.
6. Show the computer canned SPAM. Explain this is what happened to a pig with a glitch. The computer should straighten right up.
5. Some problems are a result of the computer overheating. Keep a few frosted memory chips and cards in the freezer for those warm days.
4. Stuff in the oven and bake at 450 degree for 30 minutes. For higher altitudes, reduce free memory by 500 MB and allow ten extra minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place computer on a Silpat-lined jelly roll pan. Bake about 20 minutes, or until the DVD-ROM drawer pops open and the computer waves a tiny little white hot pad, indicating it’s now willing to comply. Remove from the oven, being careful not to burn yourself on the molten plastic. Cool to room temperature. Call customer support for shipping instructions.
2. Crack open case with one sharp blow and flip the memory from one half to the other, allowing the RAM to fall into your mixing bowl while keeping the ROM in the shell.
1. Cook at 11111010 degrees for 101101 minutes or until golden brown.

-A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place.”
-A bathroom heater says: “This product is not to be used in bathrooms.”
-A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes.”
-A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big guy comes in and –WHACK!! — knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”
The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK– the big guy knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.”
So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and –Bong!!!– bangs the big guy off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.”